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Good evening to all-

So, it duck season don't you know, down here in Cajun country on the bayou.
Boudreau, he sittin' in his duckblind early dark-thirty mornin' cold mornin', too.
There be an New Yawk Yankee type feller in the very next duckblind to Boudreau's on this mornin'.
Sun start comin' up, Boudreau start blowin' on that duck calling mouth thing.
Pretty soon, here come one them green-head malliards ducks. Boudreau and Yankee feller both take aim and both fire "BOOM-BOOM" just like that.
That green-head malliard duck, he fall right there in the bayou between Boudreau and the Yankee feller.
Yankee feller holler out, "My duck!".
Boudreau holler out, " My duck."
Yankee feller say, " That my duck."

Boudreau say, " Down here in de bayou, we got our own way in case of dispute-duck." Yankee feller say ,"OK, how it work?"

Boudreau say, " Well, we take turns on each other. First, I kick you in de nuts." then you get a turn to kick me. Whoever give up from the nut-kickin' first, the other man get the duck."

Yankee feller think a bit and say, "OK, if that's the way it's done."

So, Boudreau he walk over to the Yankee feller blind and kick him hard- like a mule hard, right in the nuts. HOOOO_ that Yankee feller roll around for a while with dat water comin' from his eyes and the moans comin' from his mouth. He finally come to his senses, wipe his eyes dry, catch his breath, and say, "Ok, my turn now." He can hardly stand there, don't you know.

Boudreau start walkin' away, and he say to the Yankee, "Hell, you right. That yo' duck."


good night to all- Ed
 

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A Kansas farm wife called the local phone company to report her telephone failed to ring when her friends called and that on the few occasions when it did ring, her dog always moaned right before the phone rang.

The telephone repairman proceeded to the scene, curious to see this psychic dog or senile lady.
He climbed a telephone pole, hooked in his test set, and dialed the subscriber's house.
The phone didn't ring right away, but then the dog moaned and the telephone began to ring.
Climbing down from the pole, the telephone repairman found:
1. The dog was tied to the telephone system's ground wire with a steel chain and collar.
2. The wire connection to the ground rod was loose.
3. The dog was receiving 90 volts of signaling current when the number was called.
4. After a couple of jolts, the dog would start moaning and then urinate.
5. The wet ground would complete the circuit, thus causing the phone to ring.
This clearly demonstrates that some problems CAN be fixed by pissing and moaning.
 

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So take me seriously....I made a rotisserie chicken in my back yard Sunday. Sister-in-law and husband were over. I was in and out of the house many times, happily basting that bird. It turned out beautiful and tasty.
After dinner my sister-in-law referred to me as a Master Baster.

Where did she get that thought I wondered.
 

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Subject: Post Turtle

A POST TURTLE FOR REAL AMERICANS WHO CAN THINK

While suturing a cut on the hand of a 75 year old Virginia farmer, the doctor struck up a conversation with the old man.

Eventually the topic got around to Biden and his possible role as our president. The old farmer said, 'Well, ya know,

Biden is a 'Post Turtle''. Not being familiar with the term, the doctor asked him, what a 'post turtle' was? The old

rancher said, 'When you're driving down a country road and you come across a fence post with a turtle balanced

on top, that's a 'post turtle'.

The old farmer saw the puzzled look on the doctor's face so he continued to explain. "You know he didn't get up

there by himself, he doesn't belong up there, he doesn't know what to do while he's up there, he's elevated

beyond his ability to function, and you just wonder what kind of dumb ass put him up there to begin with."

Best explanation I've heard yet.
 

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Just a few punnies!

Just to groan. And before you attack me for these, remember that a good pun is its own reword.

Evidence has been found that William Tell and his family were avid bowlers. However, all the league records were unfortunately destroyed in a fire. Thus we'll never know for whom the Tells bowled.


A skeptical anthropologist was cataloging South American folk remedies with the assistance of a tribal brujo who indicated that the leaves of a particular fern were a sure cure for any case of constipation. When the anthropologist expressed his doubts, the brujo looked him in the eye and said, "Let me tell you, with fronds like these, who needs enemas?"


Back in the 1800's the Tates Watch Company of Massachusetts wanted to produce other products and, since they already made the cases for pocket watches, decided to market compasses for the pioneers traveling west. It turned out that although their watches were of finest quality, their compasses were so bad that people often ended up in Canada or Mexico rather than California. This, of course, is the origin of the expression; "He who has a Tates is lost!"


A thief broke into the local police station and stole all the lavatory equipment. A spokesperson was quoted as saying, "We have absolutely nothing to go on."


An Indian chief was feeling very sick, so he summoned the medicine man. After a brief examination, the medicine man took out a long, thin strip of elk hide and gave it to the chief, instructing him to bite off, chew and swallow one inch of the leather every day. After a month, the medicine man returned to see how the chief was feeling. The chief shrugged and said, "The thong is ended, but the malady lingers on....



Luke and Obi-Wan are in a Chinese restaurant having a meal. Skillfully using his chopsticks, Obi-Wan deftly dishes himself a large portion of noodles into his bowl, then tops it off with some chicken and cashew nuts. All this is done with consummate ease you'd expect from a Jedi Master. Anyway, poor Luke is having a nightmare, using his chopsticks in both hands, dropping his food all over the table and eventually himself. Obi-Wan looks at Luke disapprovingly and says, "Use the forks, Luke."



I, too, once had a friend, Joe, who worked in the coal mines. Unfortunately, he was killed in a freak accident when some movers lost their grip on a grand piano they were transporting; the piano fell down the mine shaft and crushed Joe to death. A local composer wrote an orchestral piece in memory of Joe: It was called "Symphony in A Flat Miner."


This guy goes into a restaurant for a Christmas breakfast while in his home town for the holidays. After looking over the menu he says, "I'll just have the eggs benedict." His order comes a while later and it's served on a big, shiny hubcap. He asks the waiter, "What's with the hubcap?" The waiter sings, "There's no plate like chrome for the hollandaise!"



A neutron goes into a bar and asks the bartender, "How much for a beer?" The bartender replies, "For you, no charge."



Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused his dentist's novocaine during root canal work? He wanted to transcend dental medication.


Mother Gnu was waiting for Papa Gnu as he came home for dinner one evening. "Our little boy was very bad today," she declared. "I want you to punish him." "Oh no," said Father Gnu. "I won't punish him. You'll have to learn to paddle your own gnu."


Three animals were having a huge argument over who was the best: The first, a hawk, claimed that because of his ability to fly, he could attack anything repeatedly from above, and his prey had nary a chance. The second, a lion, based his claim on his strength--none in the forest dared to challenge him. The third, a skunk, insisted he needed neither flight nor strength to frighten off any creature. As the trio debated the issue, a grizzly bear came along and swallowed them all: hawk, lion and stinker!


A certain man had a daughter who was...how do I say this tactfully... ugly. Well, in a desperate attempt to marry her off, this man found an available young gentleman by the name of Herz. He invited him over to supper and, with the promise of a large dowry, suggested Mr. Herz wink at the girl during the meal. Unfortunately, once he saw her, no amount of money would have coaxed him to bat his lashes....which just goes to show you: You can lead a Herz to daughter, but you can't make him wink.



The other day I decided to bake a cake and so, with my wife's permission, I got set to work in the kitchen. Then I discovered that we didn't have any butter, so I sent my dog to buy some. On the way, he passed a bookstore and, being intrigued by a display in the window, he went in and came home with a dog-eared book of poems. The point of my story is: Never send a literary dog to the grocery store because . . . he'll get verse before he gets butter!"


And finale...

One fine day in ancient Rome, Julius Caesar turned his attention to a problem plaguing his mighty empire: laundry. Getting all those white togas clean was a constant pain. He also had some weird ideas that if he could get the togas stiff enough, they would be like a light coat of armor... not enough to last through a sustained battle, but enough to ward off an assassin's arrow. He figured the easiest way to get this done on a large scale would be to dump a bunch of detergent into a tidal pool, and dump the toga's in afterwards. (This was two thousand years ago... the environmental movement was restricted to a few druids here and there). The gentle motion of the tides would wash the dirt out. Afterwards, all that would have to be done would be to throw some starch in, and then pull the toga's out to dry. He assigned this task to some of his scientists and engineers. They started executing his plan, and all was going well until they threw in the starch. The goddess of nature, angered at the environmental destruction, caused a huge tidal wave to spring up and wash over the assembled workers. A stiff breeze afterwards dried them off so quickly they were all frozen into place. After a little while, Caesar began to wonder about the progress of the enterprise, so he decided to visit the site with some of his advisors. Arriving at the tidal pool, he was unable to make heads or tails of the sight of his workers stuck standing there. Until of course, one of his advisors whispered to him: . . . "Beware, the tides of starch."
 

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I cant believe this.

VERY, VERY SAD DAY. A good friend of mine, after 6 yrs of medical school and training has been fired for one minor indiscretion. He slept with one of his patients and can no longer work in the profession. What a waste of time, effort, training and money. He's still paying on his school loans. This just goes to show one minor mistake can ruin your life. Thoughts for him and his family. He really is a great guy and a brilliant veterinarian.
 

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This is in the Joke thread, Is it a Joke?????? Im not laughing.
 

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And it has nothing to do with DUMB Jokes !!!
 

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A chess club decided they would have a conference at a nice hotel. While there, they gathered in the lobby talking about their exploits in the chess world, each one trying to out do the other with tales of wins and championships at tournaments. After an hour or so, the hotel manager came over and informed them they had to leave. The chess club members were shocked and ask why as they were not loud or disrespectful. The manager replied . . .
I can't stand listening to a bunch of . . . chess nuts boasting in a open foyer!

Merry Christmas!!
 

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A couple were in a busy shopping center just before Christmas. The wife suddenly noticed that her husband was missing and as they had a lot to do, so she called him on the mobile.

The wife said " Where are you, you know we have lots to do."

He said "You remember the jewelers we went into about 10 years ago, and you fell in love with that diamond necklace? I could not afford it at the time and I said that one day I would get it for you?"

Little tears started to flow down her cheek and she got all choked up…

"Yes, I do remember that shop." she replied.



"Well, I am in the golf shop next door to that."
 
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