I'll never forget my fathers last words, he said "son will you stop messing around and hold that ladder steady".
I heard a couple jokes today, and so, I got to thinking...
I'll make this a Sticky Thread, and everyone can append their jokes to this one.
Remember, we have forum guidelines and we expect folks to live up to them. I think we all have our own definition of appropriate, and I personally don't mind jokes with a little edge, but please, keep it out of the gutter and watch the foul language.
For all of us who are married, were married, wish you were married, or wish you weren't married, this is something to smile about the next time you see a bottle of wine:
Sally was driving home from one of her business trips in Northern Arizona when she saw an elderly Navajo woman walking on the side of the road.
As the trip was a long and quiet one, she stopped the car and asked the Navajo woman if she would like a ride.
With a silent nod of thanks, the woman got into the car.
Resuming the journey, Sally tried in vain to make a bit of small talk with the Navajo woman.
The old woman just sat silently, looking intently at everything she saw, studying every little detail, until she noticed a brown bag on the seat next to Sally.
'What in bag?' asked the old woman.
Sally looked down at the brown bag and said, 'It's a bottle of wine. I got it for my husband.'
The Navajo woman was silent for another moment or two.
Then speaking with the quiet wisdom of an elder, she said:
Now this is funny.A crusty old Sergeant Major found himself at a gala event. There was no shortage of young, extremely beautiful models in attendance… one of whom approached the Sergeant Major for conversation.
She said, “Excuse me, Sergeant Major, but you seem to be a very serious man. Is something bothering you?”
“Negative, ma’am,” the Sergeant Major said, “Just serious by nature.”
The young girl looked at his awards and decorations and said, “It looks like you’ve seen a lot of action.”
The Sergeant Major’s short reply was, “Yes, ma’am, a lot of action.”
The young girl was tiring of trying to start up a conversation, but didn’t want to just leave the Sergeant Major who she found oddly attractive. She said, “You know, you should lighten up a little. Relax and enjoy yourself.”
The Sergeant Major just stared at her in his serious manner.
Finally the young girl said, “You know, I hope you don’t take this the wrong way, but when was the last time you had sex?”
The Sergeant Major looked at her and replied, “1955.”
Surprised, she said, “That long?! Well then, let me make your night better…” and the two sauntered away to a private room. The woman stripped and the two made passionate love for an hour. The woman cuddled up to the army veteran afterward and said, “Well, you sure haven’t forgotten anything since 1955…”
The Sergeant Major looked at her confused and said, “Well I sure hope not. It’s only 2130 now!”
Eeeewwwwww...Haven't forgotten this one since 7th grade... Changed the location for dramatic affect.
A newly married couple arrive late one night to check in to the Hannagan Meadow Lodge for their Honeymoon. The night deskman gives them their room key and sends them off to begin their Honeymoon.
Some hours later, to the night deskman’s surprise, he sees the husband coming through the lobby in full fishing gear at 4am.
The deskman asks, “Sir, this is an odd way to begin your Honeymoon? Shouldn’t you be consummating your marriage?”
The Groom responds laughing, “Unfortunately she has gonorrhea.”
The deskman timidly replies, “Well, with all due respect, there are other options… if she’s amenable?”
The Groom replies, “I see where you’re going, unfortunately those won’t work either. You see, she has diarrhea and pyorrhea!”
Shocked the deskman exclaims, “Jeez man, well why did you marry her then?”
The Groom responds, “Well, she’s got worms and I LOVE FISHING!”