Arizona Hunting Forums banner

501 - 510 of 510 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,035 Posts
25843



Green.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
5,197 Posts
Garage Door
The boss walked into the office one morning not knowing his zipper was down and his fly area wide open.
His assistant walked up to him and said,
'This morning when you left your house, did you close your garage door?'
The boss told her he knew he'd closed the garage door, and walked into his office puzzled by the question.

As he finished his paperwork, he suddenly noticed his fly was open, and zipped it up.
He then understood his assistant's question about his 'garage door'

He headed out for a cup of coffee and paused by her desk to ask, 'When my garage door was open, did you see my Jaguar parked in there?'

She smiled and said, 'No, I didn't. All I saw was an old minivan with two flat tires..


Two elderly gentlemen
from a retirement center were sitting on a bench under a tree when one turns to the other and says:
'Slim, I'm 83 years old now and I'm just full of aches and pains. I know you're about my age. How do you feel?'
Slim says, 'I feel just like a newborn baby.'
'Really!? Like a newborn baby!?'
'Yep. No hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet my pants.'


A senior citizen

said to his eighty-year old buddy:
'So I hear you're getting married?'
'Yep!'
'Do I know her?
'Nope!'
'This woman, is she good looking?'
'Not really.'
'Is she a good cook?'
'Naw, she can't cook too well.'
'Does she have lots of money?'
'Nope! Poor as a church mouse.'
'Well, then, is she good in bed?'
'I don't know.'
'Why in the world do you want to marry her then?'
'Because she can still drive!'


Three
old guys are out walking.
First one says, 'Windy, isn't it?'
Second one says, 'No, it's Thursday!'
Third one says, 'So am I. Let's go get a beer..'


A man
was telling his neighbour, 'I just bought a new hearing aid.
It cost me four thousand dollars, but it's state of the art.. It's perfect.'
'Really,' answered the neighbor. 'What kind is it'
'
Twelve thirty..'


Morris
, an 82 year-old man, went to the doctor to get a physical.
A few days later, the doctor saw Morris walking down the street with a gorgeous young woman on his arm.
A couple of days later, the doctor spoke to Morris and said, 'You're really doing great, aren't you?'
Morris replied, 'Just doing what you said, Doc: 'Get a hot mamma and be cheerful.''
The doctor said, 'I didn't say that.. I said, 'You've got a heart murmur; be careful.'


One more. . ..!
A little old man shuffled slowly into an ice cream parlour and pulled himself slowly, painfully, up onto a stool.
After catching his breath, he ordered a banana split.
The waitress asked kindly, 'Crushed nuts?'
'No,' he replied, 'Arthritis'
 

·
Administrator
Joined
·
6,548 Posts
A young boy dressed as a cowboy walked into an ice cream parlour and ordered a banana split.
The waitress asked kindly, 'Crushed nuts?'
He replied, 'Not unless you want a tit shot off!'
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,035 Posts
25858



Green.
 

·
Super Moderator
Joined
·
13,975 Posts
You Guys Crack me up with these quickys, Keep it up. Always a Good Day when you start with a Laugh !!!
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,035 Posts
25888



Green.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
5,197 Posts
A woman’s husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months, yet she had stayed by his bedside every single day.
One day, when he came to, he motioned for her to come nearer.
As she sat by him, he whispered, eyes full of tears;
“ You know what? You have been with me all through the bad times.
When I got fired, you were there to support me
When my business failed, you were there.
When I got shot, you were by my side.
When we lost the house, you stayed right here.
When my health started failing, you were still by my side
You know what?”
“What dear?” she asked gently, smiling as her heart began to fill with warmth.
”I think you’re bad luck.”
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
137 Posts
A truck driver is driving his rig down the highway - and he loses control and crashes into an empty toll gate!
The truck jack knifes off the side of the road and comes to rest with the pieces of the toll booth shattered all over the place!
The driver of the truck climbs out and surveys the damage.

He's about to get on his CB to call for help when a van pulls up and four men get out and start gathering up the tiny pieces
that were once the toll booth.
They collect them up and start putting them together like a jigsaw puzzle using this white creamy stuff from big tubes in the van.
The truck driver watches in amazement! In less than half an hour the booth is back on site as good as new!

The driver is totally amazed and approaches one of the men!
"That was incredible! I've never seen anything like it! What was that white stuff you were using?"

The man looks at him and says: "Toll Gate Booth Paste."
 
501 - 510 of 510 Posts
Top